It’s time to face facts. You have a problem. You have a piss test on Wednesday. It’s currently Sunday. And you are high as a kite (insert inappropriate giggle here).
But all is not lost, not your job, not your education, not your pot. However, you will need to work fast if you are going to pass this test, but thankfully no study will be required, although you probably should have your credit card handy.
In order to pass your urine drug test, you are going to need to invest in some of the best synthetic urine you can get. However, there is a surprisingly large range on the market so you will first need to read the reviews on somewhere like cleardrugtests.com/best-synthetic-urine-on-the-market in order to find one that is going to suit you best. Preferably one with very fast delivery.
Why Synthetic Urine?
So synthetic urine is just what it says, it’s fake pee. It has all the chemical markers of regular urine, but without any of the drugs that you may or may not have consumed recently. It comes in either a powdered form which is really handy for emergency use or in liquid form which is great if you are looking at a supervised urine test.
One of the best things about a good fake urine? As long as you don’t get caught making the switch, it is almost impossible with current testing for a lab to pick up the difference – they get paid to test your pee for drugs, not to perform the really expensive tests to find out exactly what your piss is made of.
Don’t Get Caught
However, although a lab doesn’t do stringent testing to confirm that the sample you have provided is urine, they do have a few standard tests that confirm if it has been altered. Older standards of testing could be passed by simply invalidating the urine sample. Stories abound about people who have beaten a drug test by simply adding a few drops of bleach to the specimen cup, or even people who have mixed up strange concoctions with a bit of coffee, a bit of soya, a bit of cordial and who knows what else. It may smell like pee. It may look like pee. Heck, it may even taste like pee (we don’t want to know, that’s totally your business).
Dog, Cat, Horse… they pee and so do you
But if it isn’t actually human urine, the lab will know. Yes, people have tried to pass off animal urine as their own to pass a drug test, obviously an idea they came up with while high. This is apparently something that occurred so often scientists have actually researched it to present exactly how human urine differs from a whole range of different animal urine (see here).
Just Borrow Some Pee
One of the other favorites options is the old swapsies. There have been urban legends for years about the man who only got busted swapping his drug addled urine with the urine of his very clean-living girlfriend when Human Resources called him up with the results of his urine drug test, happily congratulating him for being pregnant. Although this is more of an urban legend than alligators in the sewers, it still highlights the need to be careful when using a friends’ piss as your own.
Other than the obvious risk that they might also have tainted pee, there is the issue that urine goes ‘off’, so labs can tell that you’ve had that sample sitting in your desk drawer for quite some time (also – ewww, don’t store pee in your desk drawer). Worse, you may have known about this, so you instead froze a sample and stored it in the work freezer. If you do this, eeww please don’t, at least have the decency to label it and try and disguise it in some way.
The big problem with the frozen urine idea, other than someone accidently eating is a light soup lunch (which does really serve them right for stealing someone else’s food anyway), is that most specimen cups used to collect your urine sample actually have a temperate device which will detect instantly if the contents are the right temperature. It is unfortunately, rather difficult to get frozen urine to exactly internal body temperate in the time allowed between being tapped on the should for pee test time and actually needing to pee.
Tips & Tricks Using Synthetic Urine
You can see why synthetic urine is popular as a way to ensure that you have a nice clean result in your urine drug test. Some of the best options come with heating pads so that you can very quickly heat the fake pee up in your pocket as you walk to take your test. These are generally designed to heat a liquid form up to just the right temperature, so if you are using the powdered version of fake urine make sure that you always have a water bottle on hand to quickly mix up a batch.
If you are going to be enjoying an unsupervised test things are significantly easier, as you can take your time in a closed cubicle. However, although this may be your first urine test, it probably isn’t the first time it has been administered by the person standing just outside waiting to collect your specimen cup. So be aware of making any strange noises, like loudly opening a packet of fake urine. Yes, you will probably be a little nervous, but dropping the entire contents on the bathroom floor would not be ideal in this situation.
However, if you are going to suffering the fun of a supervised urine drug test you have a few more things to worry about. Having someone watching you pee into a cup isn’t great, but when you are trying to substitute your pee for the fake synthetic version without being seen, you have a few difficulties. There are ways around it however, so don’t give up all hope just yet.